Her One True Love Page 17

She slid her hand from his and sat. Matthew settled beside her.

  The moment he was seated, Jane faced him, her beautiful eyes bright with purpose. “As much as I appreciate your offer to aid my case with the Board, I have gained the confidence to believe I am perfectly capable of obtaining a position on my own merit. I hope you can respect that and, in doing so, will return to Biddestone today. Whatever the decision of the Board, I wish to manage it alone.”

  She held her shoulders back as if anticipating an attack.

  God, in my need to have her, she considers me the enemy?

  He wiped his hand over his face as he considered his next words with caution . . . perhaps, the very last ones she’d wish to hear.

  He exhaled. “Have you received word from the Board?”

  She shook her head. “Not as yet. I am to go there this afternoon as they asked.”

  “I see.”

  “What is it?” She frowned, and then realization swept through her gaze. “They have spoken to you? Before me?” Her cheeks reddened as anger darkened her eyes. “They have, haven’t they?”

  “Yes.”

  “And what did Mr. Howard have to say, exactly? Does he not possess the courage to turn me down face-to-face? Instead, he speaks to the man I happened to be with when I saw him? Did he fear the words he has to speak might cause me to swoon? How dare he.”

  “It’s not like that—”

  “Really? Then pray tell me what the great Mr. Howard had to say to you that he could not say to me.”

  With his gaze on hers, Matthew drew the Board’s letter from his inside jacket pocket and offered it to her. She stared at him before sliding the letter from his fingers. Matthew waited as her gaze darted over the script, her cheeks reddening with each damning word.

  She snapped her gaze to his. “They will only consider me if you act as my sponsor? Play an active role in helping with future children and possible decisions?”

  “Yes.” He exhaled. “They ask that I consider becoming a member of the Board.”

  She glared, her cheeks flushed. “This is ludicrous. Worse, it’s insulting.” She jabbed the letter toward him. “Here, take it. I am quite clearly dismissed from the situation.”

  “That is not what they are saying.” He took the now crumpled letter from her and slid it into his pocket. “If you really want to work with Mrs. Cage, I will gladly do what the Board has asked of me.”

  She stood and put her hands on her hips, her shoulders shaking. “I am quite sure you will. Among all the other responsibilities you have, you will now find time to support me in my work too? No. This will not do.”

  “Jane, listen to me. I know you’re upset—”

  “Upset?” Her eyes widened and she laughed. “Upset is not what I’m feeling at all. I’m angry, Matthew. Really, really angry.”

  Everything he planned to say to her now lay heavy and redundant on his tongue. How could he argue that what the Board asked was nothing short of an insult? Regardless of his increased feelings for her, Jane had always been his friend. Someone he never wanted any hurt to befall. Little did he know, she’d been hurting for years.

  She blew out an exasperated breath. “Fine. If that’s the way they want things to be, I will just have to find an alternative route to working with those children.” She spoke softly, her underlying fortitude palpable.

  Matthew frowned as concern snaked through him. “I want to help you. If first impressions are anything to go by, Mr. Howard and his associates are the type of men who like to wield their power. I saw the way he looked at you and I didn’t like it one bit, but if I concur with their wishes and it means you get to do the work you feel so passionate about, does their arrogance really matter?”

  “Yes, Matthew, it does.” She shook her head and sat beside him. “Having you sponsor me once again strips me of my independence. This will cause nothing more than conflict between us. And what of you? What of the village?” She closed her eyes. “What of Elizabeth and your marriage?” She opened her eyes. “I need you to go home.”

  He stiffened as frustration swarmed. “I care for you, Jane. I care deeply. This isn’t about sponsorship, it’s about me working side by side with you to realize your dreams. What does my marriage have to do with securing you a position at the boardinghouse?” He clenched his jaw, his anger rising that his marriage should suddenly feel like a huge boulder in Jane’s life as well as his. “Elizabeth has nothing to do with this.”

  She took his hand tightly in hers. “She has everything to do with it. You should not be helping me or working with me. Don’t you see? You are not my husband . . .” She huffed out a laugh. “You are barely even my lover. This isn’t right. My life is finally my own, and I want to live it as I will. Please. Understand that if you can’t anything else.”

  “Jane—”

  “No. You must go home. Go back to the village and concentrate on securing Biddestone’s future, not mine.” She released his hand and clenched her fingers in her lap. “You need to concentrate on what is to become of your marriage. You should not be here. You should not be with me.”

  Pressure bore down on Matthew’s chest. He wanted to do right by the village, needed to return home to ensure its prosperity. He also wanted Jane to be happy. He pushed his hair back from his brow. “Maybe you’re right.”

  Her eyes shone with unshed tears. “I am.”

  “I can’t be with you immediately, but I will soon.” He covered her hands in her lap, his gaze searching hers, willing her to trust him. “I will agree to what the Board has asked, then return home to sort out matters there. Then I will return.” Heat and passion rolled through his blood, making him want to kiss her . . . make love to her. Show her how they could be. “My marriage is over, and I have some good news for some of the villagers, hopefully for more in the near future. This is not the catastrophe you think it is. I swear to you.”

  She stared deep into his eyes, her gaze full of doubt.

  His heart raced with the need for release, for her to look at him as someone to trust and rely on. Why was it they were so held in bondage when the lust for liberty raged in Jane’s eyes like he had never seen before? “I want to be with you, Jane. In everything.”

  A pulse beat fast in the hollow at the base of her neck. She shook her head. “You must leave so we have the space to deal with what binds us individually.” She cast her gaze over his face, her smile soft. “Maybe when that is done, we will find a way to be together.”

  Frustration, regret, and culpability stormed inside him. He dragged his gaze from hers to look around him. The beauty and richness of color and nature that surrounded them contradicted his cold, empty, and impossibly cruel void. Yet, wasn’t Jane right? Didn’t they need to take some time apart in order to truly understand who they were? To do what they had to do, without risk of inflicting their individual wants on each other?

  He gently touched her chin. “I will make this right. For you, for me . . . even for Elizabeth.” He stared at her mouth for a moment before meeting her eyes. “When Elizabeth admitted her betrayal, she cried. As much as I want to paint her as the villain of the piece, she did tell me the truth. The fact of the matter is, if Elizabeth hadn’t betrayed me, I wouldn’t have the freedom I have now to love you.”

  Jane lifted his hand from her face and held it in her lap, a lone tear sliding down her cheek. “She was never unkind to me either. We have to do this the right way, or not at all. I want that, and I believe you do too.”

  “I do, but we can also work together so your work dreams are realized. Don’t shut me out when I can help that happen.”

  He opened his mouth to say more, but the words wouldn’t come. The hopelessness he felt, the future battle that lay ahead, was like lead in his heart. Everything in his once orderly life had splintered, sending his thoughts and feelings tearing this way and that. Why could he not just have been with Jane all along?

  “I’ve been a fool, but from now on, I will never make the same mistakes again.”


  He leaned closer, wanting desperately to kiss her. Her lips parted as he leaned closer still, almost waiting for her to move away . . .

  When he kissed her, her fingers tightened on his. She returned his kiss with equal fervor, equal passion. Arousal, want, and need tore through Matthew, and with his free hand, he gripped her slender waist, heedless of who might see them. She stiffened and pulled away from him, her eyes heavy with desire, her swollen mouth open.

  He waited for her to push him away or spew angry words.

  Instead she returned to him and moved her lips fervently over his, moaning softly into his mouth. Her fingers traveled to his shoulders, her nails digging deep. This was a woman whose passion burned like fire inside her. Heat and sexual desire swirled like boiling water waiting to be released. He had to have her. Every manner of material and bone prevented his touch.

  One day, he would make love to this woman freely.

  She pulled back and their harried breaths filled the air. She looked to his mouth. “Let us say good-bye now.”

  He shook his head and reached for her again, but she raised her hand halting him. “Matthew, please. Just go.”

  “Jane . . .”

  Her eyes filled with tears once more. “Please.”

  “I will, once you allow me to help you in your endeavors. Can you not see? Everything you want, the work at the house and your independence, will be made possible by me agreeing to sponsor you. That does not mean I will overrule your decisions.”

  “You are asking me to trust you.” Her gaze bored into his, her eyes afraid and uncertain. “How can I do that when everything is still so unresolved at home? Who is to say once you and Elizabeth are reunited, you won’t want to try again at your marriage? What then? Will you retract your sponsorship? Will the Board stop my work? It’s a risk I cannot take.”

  “Jane, please. Allow me to do this for you and I will never let you down. I promise.”

  She stared, her gaze clearly showing her indecision . . . but slowly, softly, her indecision became surrender. Her tense shoulders slumped. “Fine. I’ll accept your sponsorship. Thank you. Please, Matthew, don’t make this a decision I regret.”

  The pleading in her gaze tore at his heart, at his soul, and Matthew released her. He stood and pushed his hand into his hair, holding it there as he stared at her. “Never. I will go to the Board and agree to their terms. Then I will go home. When you see Howard this afternoon, tell him we have spoken and he will receive my written confirmation shortly. If you need me at any time before I return, you write to me and I will come.”

  She nodded. “I know you will.”

  He leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss to her cheek before turning and walking away. Tears burned. He held them back and instead grasped the desire to be with Jane, no matter what might lie in wait around the corner.

  Chapter 16

  Jane damned the shaking in her legs as she walked as quickly as she possibly could from the park. Her nerves jumbled with confusion. When Matthew kissed her, his hand so firmly at her waist, a fervent and exciting throb had taken hold at the center of her most private place. She’d wanted him to touch her there. Yet, despite the heat between them, she was still desperately afraid to fully give him her trust and have him hurt her.

  She waited for shame or remorse to come, but nothing but love lingered in her heart. Would she ever really, truly be able to halt her attraction to the man? It seemed not.

  Hurrying across the cobbled street, Jane forced thoughts of Matthew from her mind and instead embraced her pride in at least asserting her independence and anger to him. Her libido cooled. How could it be that Matthew, the one person above all others, would be the one to open the first door in her pursuing her dream of working with abandoned children?

  She stumbled along the road and glared ahead. To be reliant on his decision and sway with the Board was as infuriating as it was insulting. At least when she’d asked him to leave, he had acquiesced her demand. She would confront Mr. Howard and the Board. She would prove their need for a squire’s sponsorship invalid, prove she didn’t need Matthew’s vote of confidence in order to move forward.

  Despite the continuing drop in the temperature, the streets were busy with people, horses, and carriages. The city was an endless bustle of activity, and Jane breathed deep. In Bath, people took chances, spread their wings, and tried different things. Who was to say she would not be one of those successful people one day?

  Moreover, she would no longer be ashamed of her physical yearnings. She was attracted to Matthew, admired and respected him. Why would her body not be stirred when he kissed her with such passion? If only her want of him was purely physical, things would be far easier.

  Physical yearnings could be ignored, tamped down, or controlled.

  It was her stupid heart that bore the biggest brunt of their separation.

  “Jane? Jane, wait for me.” A female call came from behind her.

  Jane turned, and upon sight of Jeannie hurrying toward her, Jane’s optimism faltered. The thought of telling her friend that the Board could reject her plea to work at the house distressed her more than she had anticipated.

  Jeannie stopped in front of her and frowned. “Why such a sour expression? It is a glorious day. Everyone should be smiling. Has something happened?”

  Jane sighed. “The Board wants Squire Cleaves’s sponsorship before they will consider me working at the boardinghouse. In other words, they want him to almost act as my guarantor. Like a parent giving his permission.”

  “Has the squire agreed?”

  “That is hardly my point, Jeannie. Of course he’s agreed but—”

  “You wanted to achieve this alone. I understand that, but if having the squire’s sponsorship means you get what you want, does it really matter? I’m sure he’s nowhere near as put out as you are.”

  “That is neither here nor there. I want him to see me as a woman in my own right, not as a young girl who has leapt from needing her parents’ approval to his.” Annoyance heated Jane’s cheeks. “Matthew has always been the one man I could genuinely rely on, but in this instance, I wanted to rely on myself only. It’s so infuriating.”

  “He won’t see it that way, I’m sure.” Jeannie smiled. “I’ve seen the way the squire looks at you since we have been in the city. At long last, the man has opened his eyes and sees who you are and what you are capable of. His sponsorship with the Board will just be another token of his belief in you. Nothing more. Trust him, Jane. He’s a good man who has lost his wife to another. The way the squiress’s infidelity changed him has been upsetting, but I see him coming back to who he was before.” She grasped Jane’s hand. “And I can’t help thinking that is because of you.”

  The sincerity in Jeannie’s eyes caused a myriad of emotions to ripple through Jane. Could it really be that Matthew looked to her for strength, the same way she always had to him? She swallowed against the possibility rising inside her. “Do you think he and I could do this? Work together toward a common goal?”

  Jeannie laughed and released Jane’s hand, her pretty eyes bright. “Well, of course. Haven’t you worked with the squire for the village? Stood against him when he disagreed with you, only to work out a satisfactory conclusion come the end? This will be good for you, him, and the children you will come to care for. I know it.” She arched an eyebrow, her gaze teasing. “Lord knows, unless the squire is looking at you, he carries a scowl of which I have never seen.”

  Jane laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “It’s true.” Jeannie grinned. “You know it is.”

  Heat seared through Jane at the memory of her and Matthew’s ardent kissing in the park. Was Jeannie right? Was her pride foolish? By refusing Matthew’s help, would she hinder rather than advance her new life? She could not afford to make such a silly mistake.

  Jane pulled back her shoulders. “You’re right. There is nothing wrong with accepting Matthew’s support if it means gaining access to working at the house. I will
still have to prove my competency regardless of Matthew’s signature on a piece of paper.”

  “Exactly.”

  Renewed eagerness to see Mr. Howard and the Board rushed through her. “And what of you, Jeannie? Would you like to work with us too? It could be an adventure for us both.”

  “Me? But what could I possibly have to offer? I have only ever worked in your family’s service. I wouldn’t know how to deal with children from such dire—”

  “Then we’ll learn together.” Jane took Jeannie’s hand and squeezed it. “Do you really want to return to Marksville? Or would you rather we were friends living and working together toward our independence? The future is an exciting prospect for women of every class, Jeannie. Don’t you want to be a part of that?”

  Fear and doubt were clear in every dart of Jeannie’s gaze over Jane’s face. Yet, slowly, the fear became delight and the doubt, hope. Her friend nodded. “I’d love to work with you.”

  “Then it’s settled.” Jane slid her arm into Jeannie’s. “We shall go to the Board now and put forward the proposal of us both working with Mrs. Cage. They may say no, or even separate us, but if we don’t ask, we’ll never know. Come. We’ll be a little early for the appointment, but I am too excited to wait.”

  Jane preceded Jeannie into Mr. Howard’s office, and they sat upon the two chairs in front of his meticulously tidy desk. She folded her trembling hands over her reticule and lifted her eyes to Mr. Howard’s.

  He flitted his gaze from her to Jeannie and back again before raising his eyebrows. “Is this another advocate, Miss Danes? Did you not feel Squire Cleaves sufficient?”

  Annoyance raised her hackles and Jane tilted her chin. The man’s derision was abominable. “The squire’s advocacy is still entirely intact, sir. I understand you have contacted him requesting his sponsorship. . .” She arched her eyebrow. “Even gone as far as asking him to consider a future position on the Board. You really must have been most impressed by the squire during our short meeting.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “I have learned Squire Cleaves is a well-respected and amenable man. These are attributes that are necessary to the Board and its benefactors. So much so, I cannot consider your proposal to work at one of our houses without the squire’s backing.”